Hey everyone!
How are you all? Things are going well here. I'm enjoying this warm weather, and the fact that it allows me to one again pursue that great American pastime, post-twilight cruising with the windows down. During these ventures one can also stop and experience the decadent and luxurious dining experiences available at one of our three local Kwik Trips (Why do we have three when our town is 6000 people? Pure opulence, baby!)
So, I went to the Brewers home opener a week or two ago, and saw something that seriously disturbed me, "The Kiss Cam". Basically, they just put a couple of people up on the Jumbotron and see if the peer pressure of 40,000 people will make them start making out on camera. I mean come on! What ever happened to making out behind posts and in public restrooms? Isn't that good enough for us anymore? As I see it, there are only three possible explanations for this bizarre experiment:
1. A hyper intelligent, pan-dimensional alien race has begun a study into the euphoria inducing human beverage known as "beer", and whether it can be used in combination with peer pressure to lower resistance against coercion. If it is possible to make two three hundred pound construction workers make out with each other on the Kiss Cam, the aliens shall launch a massive campaign of beer distribution and make-out reality programs to subdue the progress of human civilization.
2. The Roman Emperor Nero has been revived after some two millenia in cryo-freeze, and is now seeking to use the "Kiss Cam" two incite the epic, stadium-wide orgy that he's been dreaming about for 2000 years. If this is the case, expect to see epic poet Homer (also recently defrosted) on the New York Times bestseller list with his recently completed trilogy "The Iliad, The Odyssey, and the Orgy".
3. Eight grader Daniel Smith has finally realized that the only way he is ever going to get class-cutie Jennifer James to kiss him is to pucker up and get 40,000 people behind him.
I've got my bets on a defrosted Nero,
Peter
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