Dear Angelic Brewing Company

Dear Angelic Brewing Company,

Last month I dined in your establishment, and although I was generally pleased with the food and the service, my sense of patriotism was deeply offended by the Un-American treatment I received concerning my side order.

Knowing that you are renowned for your cheese fries, I thought, what better way to compliment my order than to have some cheese put on the fries that were coming with my burger. I made this request, with all intentions of paying any monetary penalties that it may incur, and was promptly told that "No, they can't do that."

They can't do that? Am I underestimating the simplicity of cheese/fry unification here, or something? Now, I know you have the fries, because they came with my burger, and I know you have the cheese, because you offer cheese fries on your menu; what is the disconnect that makes it impossible to put some cheese onto my fries?

Frankly speaking, Angelic Brewing Company, I would become even more incensed by this affront were it not for the fact that I know this incident is symptomatic of a larger, more insidious "can't do" attitude that is infecting many citizens of this nation.

Did Lewis and Clark decide they couldn't do the voyage of discovery because the trip would be kind of long? I think not. Did our boys in World War II decide they couldn't fight because the war was against two superpowers on separate fronts? Of course not! They took Iwo Jima, and secured cheese fries for the free world.

In a day when American values are being threatened and attacked in various parts of the world, and terrorists seek to deny us those very staples of American junk food that make us unique, I find it unbelievable that you would deny one of its citizens one of the most American foods in existence. In truth, Angelic Brewing Company, when you deny me cheese fries, the terrorists win.

Sincerely,

Peter