Dear Dr. Beam

Dear Amanda,

We were meant to be together. Allow me to explain.

Last night, at about 1:00am, I sat there, bleary eyed and fatigued, watching a History Channel presentationon Braveheart's Scotland. I was listening contently to the parade of distinguished, gentleman-scholars, whensuddenly you appeared; you, a brown haired, blue eyed apparition, speaking of Medieval fortifications inyour smokey, sultry, subtly southern-accented voice.

Frankly, dear, I have never been so turned on by adiscussion of castle masonry. Apparently, you're American, and earned a PhD inhistory from Stirling University in Scotland, whereyou now teach. What dedication you must have had,earning joint doctorates in history and HOTNESS!

Amanda, darling, my love for you is as wide as theScottish battle line at Falkirk, and as deep as thewalls at Bothwell Castle. For you, I would swim theRiver Forth in the middle of winter; I would chargethe English lines at Bannockburn wearing nothing butmy claymore; I would declare my love from every peakin the Highlands!

We have so much in common. You enjoy candle lit dinners, walks along the beach, and researching the Balliol Dynasty, just like I do! I once visitedStirling, and I never would have left if I had known a vixen-historian like you was going to show up in a few years.So, can I take you out to dinner sometime? Maybe wecould meet halfway; in Iceland, perhaps? Think of the great time we'll have! We can alternate between making-out and discussing the impact of the Murry clanon Scotland's political infrastructure... it'll be great!

Truly yours,

Peter