Oh, Canada! (Pt. 3): "Banff or Bust!"
Well, after the hiking escapade at Lake Louise, we made our way back to our home base in the town of Canmore.
Built in the 1950s by "Canadian Canning Company Products", or the "CCCP", Canmore was factory town constructed in conjunction with another nearby town, Canless, in an effort to get the company's canning production to stabilize at the level of Canmoderately, which was ideal to the organization's cost coefficient.
Okay, so the town was really built to provide lodging to people who are fond of drinking and hiking, which are sometimes combined into a charming mix. In fact, the friendly, hip front desk clerk at the hotel gave me the lowdown on the very best drunken' hiking trails, and also informed me that, thanks to the elevation, everybody in Canmore is a cheap drunk, and the cost of drunkenness only drops as your hike farther up. Or, maybe he said that the cost of drunkenness is "dropping" from higher up.... hmmm.
Since I'm fond of having my sense of balance intact while wondering around rocky peaks, I didn't try drunken' hiking during my stay, but can imagine that many of these outings lead to stories about dancing on rocky, granite outcroppings rather than tables. So, it must make for some good tales about nights out with the friends.
The next day, we headed over to the town of Banff, which coincidentally, is Ffnab backwards.... no, I don't know what that means either, but it is fascinating none the less.
So, we went a little ways through Banff and set our sights on the top of Sulphar Mountain, which, from the name, I assumed would be filled with bubbling mud pots and steaming geysers, all leading to a fragrance of rotten eggs combined with brisk alpine air at the peak. In fact, this scent will be released as "Sulphur Mountain: The Fragrance" in time for Christmas this year.
Up we went, back and forth along the twisting switchbacks. After about two hours of hiking, with the grade of the switchbacks increasing perpetually, Andrew and I were sure that we must be near the top. However, every time we thought this, we rounded a corner and find ourselves in front of a slightly steeper switchback, until we finally reached one that was so steep that the local mountain goat herd had posted a warning sign on it.
Finally, Andrew and I lurched onto the top to find.... the biggest deck part I've ever seen. Yes, I guess I forgot to mention that there is a gondola that ferries people and supplies up to the summit of Sulphur Mountain. As a result, there are several restaurants, a well stocked gift shop, and an appliance store. So, dripping with sweat, we spent the next few minutes looking in shock at the array of slushy flavors available, while fresh faced tourists wondered what jungle we had walked in from.
We spent the next couple of days around Banff, a quaint little drinking village with a hiking problem (they actually sell shirts that say this). It is a cool little resort town that is a bit like the Canadian version of Vale (from what I hear).
Banff is also home to the glamorous Banff Springs Hotel, a place where men in top hats sit around drinking vintage wine, discussing the latest jump in railroad stocks. Or at least, they used to; although I found many a glamorous person on my self guided tour of this hotel, I didn't run into one captain of industry. Oh captain my captain! Where have you gone?!
After a couple of days, we started making our way north to Jasper, stopping along the way at the Colombia Ice Field, where we rode up the glacier on a bus whose oil has clearly been laced with performance enhancing substances. Imagine a city bus crossed with a monster truck... yeah, that's pretty much what it looked like. In the middle of the ice bound wonderland, one thought kept crossing my mind; the Colombia Ice Field is the worlds biggest snow cone waiting to be made. Now, don't say I never give you investment tips.
After Jasper, since one can only take so much striking, breathtaking natural beauty before it becomes nauseating (insert sarcasm here), we decided to cleanse ourselves of this transcendentally purifying experience by visiting the West Edmonton Mall.
The West Edmonton Mall is big, so big that it will probably apply for diplomatic autonomy one of these days. Apparently, it is the biggest mall in the world, boasting 800 shops, an amusement park, and a water park. The strange thing is, unlike the Mall of America, it seems to have been put together piece by piece over the years. Rather than being one giant unified space, there are nooks and crannies all over the place that seem to have been built at different times.
In fact, Andrew and I discovered the oldest part of the mall by going underneath the parking ramp, where we found a neolithic cave selling rock-hewn wheels; clearly, the first shop at West Edmonton Mall.
Anyway, the mall is a fascinating example of what happens when culture, history, and commercialism collide. There's a life size replica of the Santa Maria, and also a roller coaster; a mini-golf course, and also a chapel.
Well, that about wraps up the Canadian trip. If you ever have the impetus to get your hike on in the Canadian Rockies, I highly recommend it. Canada is a friendly land of many wonders!
Next up, tales of wandering around England and France.
Take care!
Peter
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