Dear Black Eyed Peas

Dear Black Eyed Peas,

When we first met, I knew we were different, but wasn't it those very differences that spiced up our relationship? I was more than willing to find a way that we could both be happy with each other and still have our own lives, and you seemed just as determined in the beginning.

Whatever happened? I tried to call you, but only got the answering machine, no doubt because you're out again, as you are every night, trying to cause the earth to spin off its axis due to massive booty gyration. Did you ever think about what this obsession with swaying posteriors may be doing to our relationship? For a year I put up with you asking me where the love was twenty times a day, even when the love was sitting right in front of you waiting for you to grab it. And now this? What I'm trying to say is, Black Eyed Peas, it's over.

We're just too different, and have lifestyles that can never be reconciled. Now, I like to party just as much as anybody else, but frankly, sometimes I'm not in the mood, and I can't stand the thought of arriving home after an exhausting day at work, having you incessantly chanting "LET'S GET IT STARTED" in my ear. Maybe I don't want to get it started; have you ever thought about that? Maybe instead of getting it started, I want to shut it down. Is that so wrong? Can't we do that a couple of nights a week? I mean, nobody's on twenty four hours a day, are they? What if I just want to stay home and rent a video? Why can't we do that anymore? Are you going to let this juvenile obsession with getting it started ruin our relationship?

Where does this obsession with getting it started come from? And what is it that you're so gung ho about getting started, anyway? You never seem to be able to articulate that! Have you ever thought that maybe whatever it is you're trying get started is already started, and you're missing it because you're still busy trying to start something up that's already in motion?

Well, you'll have plenty of time to get it started now, because we're over.

Peter