The Hills Are Alive.... With the Sound of Jingling Pockets

Dear friends,

Considering it my civic duty, I try to always keep one of my fingers fixed firmly on the pulse of this country's pop culture... and apply generous use of the defibrillator of hipness when it flat-lines. This is one of those times.

Since the collapse of the boy band wave, our country has, tragically, lived without the passion, inspiration, and catharsis that men with girly voices, singing canned, refried, rehydroginated lyrics provide us with. Who is there now to give a voice to our basest, most incomplex feelings with over processed vocals than the artist currently known by the name of Homer's favorite beer?

I, like everyone, mourned the loss of our boy bands while dabbing my eyes in front of my N-Sync poster; but then I sat down and realized that the boy band revolution (for it surely was a revolution) was simply missing a few vital elements, and I set out to find a sound that would once again electrify the airwaves.... and I am happy to announce that I found it.

The wave of future is LEDERHOSEN CLAD BOY BANDS! Yes, friends, can't you hear the sound of jingling pockets just as you say it? What led to this epiphany? Well, I had the pleasure of attending a concert by the Von Trapp Children Singers at the Stoughton Opera House a couple of months ago, and they lit the place on FIYAHHH! Which is probably why they wear fire retardant leather lederhosen, to ward of the conflagration caused by their dynamism.

QUICK DISCLAIMER: Despite the fact that I seem to have participated in an inordinate number of Sound of Music related activities (The Sound of Music Tour in Salzburg, The Von Trapp Children Singers, a visit to the Trapp Family Lodge in Vermont, etc.) I am not really a Sound of Music fanatic, and will rarely be heard singing the tunes... except when I'm randomly inspired while frolicking around in mountain pastures. I may, or may not have been spotted doing that once, and will certainly not admit it to anybody unless confronted with solid evidence... or given a few drinks. Anyway, the fanatic is somebody in my family. Can you guess who? That's right, it's my brother Andrew!

Just kidding of course; Andrew's more of a My Fair Lady type of guy (smile). It's my mom.

Anyway, back to my point; LEDERHOSEN CLAD BANDS ARE THE WAVE OF THE FUTURE! Of course, a vocal group singing pseudo German songs wouldn't be complete without girls in it as well, so we'll have them wear female lederhosen to maintain uniformity. Okay, there's no such thing, and that's bordering on French, Pigalle cabaret territory there, so maybe we'll just let them wear antique, pseudo German dresses.

Besides a drastic change in attire, these bands will also trade in saccharine, pre-fab modern tunes, for saccharine, pre-fab, pseudo traditional folk tunes, allowing them to capitalize on the hugely untapped geriatric demographic. Seriously, many seniors are so busy ripping on all modern day rock-and-or-roll that they would start throwing their wallets up on stage when confronted by a bunch of cute kids in pseudo traditional outfits, singing pseudo traditional songs.

Anybody want in on this with me? It's a goldmine. I start the search for my superstars tomorrow.

Randomly yours,

Peter